So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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