i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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