It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
