My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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