no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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