Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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