he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
