I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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