he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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