Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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