Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
