Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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