woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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