booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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