i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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