I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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