Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize