God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
