Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
