You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
