Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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