i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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