Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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