Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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