So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
