sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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