Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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