C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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