how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
