If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
