do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
