Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
