She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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