booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
