there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
