I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
