You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
