If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
