She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
