Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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