end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
