So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
