Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
