My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
