Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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