# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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