you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
