Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
