I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
