Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
