Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
