my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
