i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
