Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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