): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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