I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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