I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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