i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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