I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
