There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
