Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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