you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
