Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
