I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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