I hope mine doesn't look like that
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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