Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
