Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want to make out with him forever
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize