everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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