I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
