I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
