I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
