The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
false alarm, still single
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
