Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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